Raised By Weasels Part 4.5 – Italian Ice

Journal Entry – April 5th


Completed study on Mass Hypnosis with Regards to Intellectual Complacency and Resignation to Mediocrity.  Wrote and sent paper for publishing.  Mailed results to grant funding entities – major television networks, music companies and various political leaders.  Clients all very pleased.

Jet is leaving New York for our Montana compound in 3 hours.  Will pass time checking stowed science gear and posing as Brigitte Nielsen to avoid paparazzi.  Mack disappeared with brunette flight attendant to check the hydraulics.  His detail for safety is commendable.  Looking forward to a break before next week’s study regarding Subliminal Text Messaging.


Received fax from Headquarters.  Shipment of live Maine lobsters broke loose in receiving warehouse.  Paco lost two toes.  Reprimanded him regarding the limitations of flip-flops.  Instructed my assistant Gia to write memo detailing new company footwear guidelines.


Received fax from Headquarters.  Wealthy Italian art dealer requests our services.  Does not balk at our fee.  Captain Flaherthy changes flight plan, destination Nepal.  New study on Subliminal Text Messaging will have to wait.


Journal Entry – April 7th


Touched down in Nepal.  Local authorities welcome us with gifts of yak hair luggage and tea.  Unloading of equipment goes off without a hitch, although one crewmember can’t be accounted for.  We add him to the list.  Tea is excellent.


Yoga session interrupted by Capt. Flaherthy.  Results in crick in neck.  Capt. says crew set to return to Headquarters.  Tomorrow Mack and I will take local transport to base camp in preparation for Everest summit ascent. 


On tarmac to wish crew a safe journey to Headquarters.  Mack assists flight attendants in last minute safety inspection.  Crew requests I send them off with a few karaoke favorites.  Am very cold and crick still in neck, but can’t let crew down.


Powerful rendition of “Careless Whisper” interrupted.  Control tower says storm moving in – crew must depart now.  Crew teary eyed due to unfinished performance.  Make promise to crew I will email my full Wham karaoke catalog to them.  Crew cheers.  Damn, I can hire a crack team.


Local transport (Sherpa, pack animals) picks up equipment destined for base camp.  We board second transport (pack animals) to meet Italian benefactors’ accountant in town.  Town consists of yak congregation and a lone structure.  We enter structure and realize it is a temple.  Monks and yaks and man in business suit.  Italian benefactors accountant gives us paperwork and payment.  Afterwards, I ask monk if I can purchase his monk hat.  Monk is shrewd haggler.  I pay hefty sum for authentic monk hat, but well worth cost.  The yak hair sheen very becoming in the sunlight.  Chicks love yaks.


Back at base camp.  Altitude is 17,585 feet.  Mack and I prepare for tomorrow mornings ascent to Everest Camp 1, at 20,015 feet.  Typically, several days are needed to acclimate to altitude before climbing, but tight schedule and my tendency to thumb nose at convention leads us onward.  Check gear, eat dinner.  Mack reads Dr. Chandara’s “Eyeliner and Epicurus; A History of Greek Cosmetology and the World’s First Smokey Eye”.  I wash monk smell out of yak hat.


Received fax from Headquarters.  Wham karaoke mass email crashed network.


Weather worsens.  Mack and I turn in. 


Journal Entry – April 8th


After breakfast, gear checked and weather is definitely worsening.  Not bad enough to cancel ascent, but will make first approach slowly and carefully.  Our goal, located at the summit, is our only concern. We are off. 

By Jon A. Clarkson


Published by

E. Thompson

I make movies. Sometimes people see them. I have been a martial artist for a very long time. I'm in a personal war with the Oxford comma.

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